Watching my children, I'm often reminded of the line dividing child and adulthood. The most marked difference is the freedom of innocence. I don't think it totally leaves us at once. Over time, though, experience replaces innocence and changes how we view the world.
I can look back to times in my life when I never imagined a mother could die before her children were grown, summers never ended, friendships lasted forever, and people you loved and trusted never manipulated or lied. Innocence ignores possibilities beyond its reality. It is warm, safe and blissful.
As time peels innocence away, the emotional comfort of day to day living decreases. The weight of reality replaces innocence. The black and white absolutes of my early childhood seem absurd now, as life on this side of the line is an ocean of grays. Things beyond imagination, both good and bad, can and do happen. This knowledge makes it easy to live on constant alert, and small moments of joy pass all too quickly when my attention is otherwise occupied.
There is a blessing that accompanies experience, though. It is a greater appreciation for the moments of quiet that happen every now and again. When my youngest encourages me to enter a local radio contest because I could become a thousandaire if I win, (well, there is such thing as a millionaire, so why not a thousandaire, he reasons) I have to smile. He reminds me I can choose dreaming over worrying now and again. When my oldest hugs me after a dinner of porcupine meatballs, thanking me for a great dinner and taking such good care of him, it's impossible to obsess about what I can't afford to give him. He reminds me to choose to recognize what I do have.
I miss the days when my biggest care was making my crayons last longer. I wouldn't trade a second of watching my kids go through the process, though. They constantly remind me I can still feel warm, safe and blissful from where I am now. It's simply a matter of choice.
Copyright 2003 WomanLinks.com
About the Author
Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com; a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
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