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Celebrating Mother's Life
By Mary Emma Allen
Although I was expecting my mom's death, in her eleventh year of
Alzheimer's disease, I still felt a loss when I received the call that
she'd passed away quietly in her sleep. At her funeral I wanted friends
and family to remember her as the vital, giving woman they once knew and
to celebrate her life by recalling good memories.
I wanted them to realize, too, that even though Mother had been
afflicted with Alzheimer's, she still contributed to the lives of her
family and the staff at the nursing home.
Learning to Appreciate
As I cared for Mother midst this devastating disease, I learned to
appreciate the person she was at that time.
Even though she might not know me, might not remember our life in the
past, she still could respond in a limited way.
At the sound of a friendly voice, she smiled and often tried to talk.
With a kiss or a hug, she beamed.
When we wheeled her outside to see the flowers of spring, she seemed to
appreciate this attention.
At an Easter egg hunt at the nursing home, her eyes followed the antics
of the children as they gathered their goodies.
As I cared for her, I learned a greater love that comes with serving.
We realized she still was a person, even though she was much different
from the mother I'd known.
She Taught Great Grandchildren
My grandchildren, her great grandchildren, learned from this elderly
lady. They enjoyed visiting her at the nursing home and looked forward
to the tea parties we had in her room. Even when she could no longer
participate, this ritual had meaning for the children.
They learned about caring for the elderly and infirm and knew that Great
Grandma could respond in a limited way to our overtures toward her.
The children learned to have no fear of nursing homes and know this
often is a part of the cycle of life.
Even though Mother didn't realize it, she taught her great grandchildren
and gave their life value.
She Brightened the Staff's Day
"We enjoy your mother's lovely smile," the staff at the nursing home
often told me. She brightened their day and made them feel better
because she was there.
A friend, who gives piano recitals in nursing homes, said that caring
for the elderly often enriches the caregivers' lives. She agreed Mother
still had a purpose in her life.
She Leaves a Legacy
Then when God decided Mother had taught us well, he called her to
different life.
When we remembered her at her funeral I hoped friends and family could
celebrate the 91 years of this lady's life. She will live on in our
memories, our traditions, and our heritage. She leaves a legacy for her
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
(c)2001 Mary Emma Allen
About the Author
Mary Emma Allen has chronicled her mother's journey through Alzheimer's
in "When We Become the Parent to Our Parents," in hopes of encouraging
others as they care for a family member. More of Mary Emma's stories
will appear in "Finding the Joy in Alzheimer's" by Brenda Avadian, to be
published by North Star Books in September. Mary Emma has other stories
in the 2theheart.com archives. Visit her web site
or email her at mailto:me.allen@juno.com
For more Family Remembrance features visit our Index.
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